Brand New Belligerence

I am so sick and tired of people saying something is “brand” new when they buy it. The “brand” is unnecessary! These people are wasting milliseconds of my life I’ll never get back!

Supporters of this phrase will say “brand new” refers to an item that has just been purchased, typically within a day or two. They say, after a week or two, you can refer to the items as new, etc. It is like referring to a baby’s age in months instead of in actual time anyone can understand. I’ll get to that later.

The bottom line is, the next person who tells me they have something that is “brand” new is going to get their face pushed into the carpet, then have their item smashed in whatever way I am able to wreck it at the time.

I won’t be jerked around by you people any longer!

by Jon Novin; Gaseoustania Tonight


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